Well, at least I don't bleed normally! An Awkward Whouffle Fanfic
by wibblywobblytimeywimey45
Summary: When a rather...feminine...problem arises with Clara, she has some explaining due to the Doctor. Awkwardness ensues. *Tumblr prompt*


Clara Oswin Oswald woke up refreshingly inside her bedroom aboard the TARDIS, her legs swooshing underneath the silk sheets as she turned to lay on her side. She smirked to herself, thinking about how adventures with the Doctor were like no other, and painfully recalled how lonely and in need of a friend he was-which was Clara's main role, but she liked to think of herself as more than an object to keep him at bay from going insane.

Artificial sunlight streamed from the TARDIS's holographic simulator and warmed her face lightly, making the circular, golden, Gallifreyan bed frame sparkle like billions of little fireflies. A morning like this would have been perfect for Clara to spring up and make a pot of coffee-if it weren't for the cramps.

_ Cramps? _She thought to herself warily. _Why am I having those? Could it be..? Am I…? Oh no. _She thought of the golden sheets below her and shot out of bed, yanking the twinkling comforter off of the mattress.

Sure enough, a fairly large circle of blood had stained the gorgeous bed frame.

Clara cursed underneath her breath as she bunched up the fabric in her hands-so much for Gallifreyan luxuries. She exited the little bedroom and sneakily edged her way down the hallway toward the laundry room, hoping the Doctor wouldn't hear her.

And of course, in all honesty, the Doctor had heard her. The switching and pushing of levers and buttons upon the TARDIS's console panel eased, and a rather joyous Doctor pranced to the hallway.

"Wakey wakey!" he said, startling her. Clara jumped and forced the bundle of silk behind her back.

The Doctor cocked his head. "Are you alright?"

"Yes! Fine! Lovely!" she spluttered anxiously.

He attempted to look at what she was trying to hide. "What are you doing with the sheets?"

"They need a wash."

"No, they don't, I just washed them yesterday."

"Trust me, they need cleaned."

"Are you telling me I didn't wash them good enough?"

"Yes."

Eleven smiled. "Okay then, impossible girl."

Clara winked. "Right back at you, Chinny."

The Doctor spun around like he wanted to defend his chin, but hesitated and briskly walked back to the console room. Sighing of relief, Clara reached the washer and stuffed the sheets inside, starting a new load of laundry. She then walked to the nearest bathroom, unzipped her suitcase, and only found disappointment.

_You're kidding me._

She had forgotten to pack feminine products. How could she have forgotten that? Clara hastily closed her suitcase and checked every cabinet in the little bathroom, but to no avail. They could always stop at a drug store, but that would require explaining. She shivered at the thought.

Finally, her essence of hope slipping away, she began to speak to the TARDIS.

"Hey. Girl. You're a girl, just like me, right? You should help me out here."

No answer.

"C'mon. You're a TARDIS. Can't you just make some tampons, just, appear, or something? Please? Help me out here."

The blue box made a whirring sound, as if it was growling at her.

"Don't be like that. Please? For me?"

The growl intensified, and Clara quickly backed off. "Obviously not."

She quickly dressed in dark jeans and a T-shirt, trying not to think about how she was going to explain why they needed to go to a drugstore. But, come on, he was a scientist, right? He should know this stuff. He is a Doctor, after all, both medically and in the alien nature.

Eleven's eyes brightened as she entered the engine room. "Ah! Hello Clara! Wakey Wakey! Now that you're up, where should we go next? How about Russia from the past? Although, we can't go in the –sort-of-recent-sort-of-a-long-time-ago-Russia, I had a bad run in with Stallin. Nasty fellow, Stallin. Speaking of which, have you ever read "Animal Farm" by-"

"Scratch that. We're going to a drug store."

Eleven looked puzzled. "Clara, I have a time machine that can go anywhere in time and space, and you want to go to a _drug store_?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"It's…..necessary."

The Doctor's smile faded as he approached her, scanning her with his eyes for any obvious signs of injury or emotional pain. "Are you okay?"

"I'm sort of….bleeding."

Eleven turned serious in an instant, grabbing her arms and examining her body for any cuts or scrapes. "Why didn't you tell me sooner? Is it serious? Should I take you to a hospital?"

"No!" Clara squeaked. "No, I don't need a hospital."

"Is it a paper cut?"

"No."

"Then what is it then?"

Clara tried to keep her posture. "I'm bleeding, but it's…..normal."

Eleven's expression displayed pure confusion. "Bleeding isn't normal! You're bleeding! I mean, at least _I _don't bleed normally!'

_ He really doesn't understand, _she realized. _He really is just like a kid._

"Okay, um…." She tried to find the right words to describe it. "It's something to do with girls. You see, Doctor," Clara could feel her face turning red. "…once a month, a female human…..bleeds."

The Doctor squinted his eyes. "No they don't! Most of my companions have been women, I think I would have noticed if they just randomly started to _bleed_."

Clara sighed in frustration. "You can't see it."

"What, invisible blood?"

"No! It comes from…."

Eleven huffed in confusion. "Well, where? Where does this _invisible blood _come from, exactly?"

Clara rubbed her temples, took a deep breath, pulled him closer and whispered a few words in his ear, her face beet red.

When she pulled back, Eleven's expression was splattered with scarlet blush. He stammered a bit, but then finally got the words out.

"YOU BLEED WHERE?!"

Clara rolled her eyes and pushed him toward the console. "I need tampons. They keep me from bleeding through my clothing. Drug store. Now."

The Doctor gave her a look like she'd been lying to him her whole life, and began to flip switches on the TARDIS panel. When they had landed, Eleven stopped her before she could open the doors.

"Wait," he said. "Just one more question."

Clara folded her arms across her chest. "Go on."

"So all of my female companions bled normally and never told me?"

"Yes."

"…..great."

Clara smiled as she grabbed his hand and dragged him out of the ship, eager to get this awkward pit stop over with so they could travel the stars again.

The Doctor is a rare, amazing, and incredibly intelligent being, always striving to learn more and more knowledge. Although, on this particular adventure, he had learned just a little too much.


End file.
